


Cut It All Out

by AbsterStories



Category: Charmed (TV 1998)
Genre: Billie Jenkins Needs A Hug, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, More but I'll add them as I add the chapters, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24075277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsterStories/pseuds/AbsterStories
Summary: A slight A/U story where Billie is 17 years old, and is trying to deal with the loss of both her parents and her sister Christy on her own, who will be there for her when things become too much and take a dangerous turn with the arrival of a previously thought dead family member?Trigger warnings for self harming and abuse.This story was originally uploaded on Fanfiction.net  years ago and is one of the stories I am hoping to finish off so I am beginning to upload chapters over here.
Relationships: Billie Jenkins & Halliwell Sisters
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I wrote many years ago, its by all means not the most well written and does deal with some pretty heavy issues. I'm re-uploading this story to here from Fanfiction.net and will be aiming to complete it. I will be making some small spelling and editing changes to chapters where needed as I upload it, as I'm sure I missed loads the first time around, probably will still miss a few this time around, sorry about that.

**Disclaimer- I do not own the series Charmed or any of the character from the series, this has been written for fan fictions purposes only.**

**Trigger Warning-** This chapter contains a scene of self harm, and the feelings leading up towards this event.

**_Writing in bold italics shows the description of a dream._ **

_Writing in italics is a characters inner thoughts._

**Chapter One- The beginning**

Its dark, damp night as the rain beats rhythms onto the uncovered windows of Billie Jenkins dorm room.

The young blonde is lying asleep in her bed; however she is far from a peaceful sleep. She begins to toss and turn from side to side as she replays that horrible memory from only one short night ago.

**_A fireball flies towards her, without thinking Billie flicks her hands out defensively sending the fireball telekinetically flying back towards her attacker._ **

**_Her sister._ **

**_The fireball smacks into Christy and begins to burn her alive almost in slow motion. Billie watches helplessly as her sisters face catches on fire, a smile beaming across her face as she laughs evilly._ **

**_Still burning, Christy begins to walk towards Billie, her hands moving towards her temples._ **

Suddenly Billie's eyes shoot open as she jumps upright in her bed, sweating and crying as she realizes that it was a dream, just her imagination trying to trick and scare her. Well part of it was, the other part was real. The part of her sending that fireball back to her sister was real. It killed her. She had killed her own sister, and the guilt she felt was indescribable.

Billie's mind began to race with a thousand thoughts as she sat upright in her bed shaking.

_How could I do that?_

_She was my sister?_

_I killed my own sister._

_I'm an evil person...I should have died not her!_

Billie began to cry harder and harder running her hands through her hair trying to get a grip on herself, but then she looked up and saw it.

Its shinny surface reflecting light onto her face from the window, captivating her.

As though in a trance like daze Billie got out of her bed and slowly made her way over to it. She reached her computer desk where it lay next to a potion vial and picked it up. She ran the smooth cold metal in-between her fingers as she slowly sat herself down on the computer chair next to her. As she sat in the chair she kept on thinking to herself, _I'm evil…it should have been me….I'm evil._

She stared at the metal object she held in her hands – her athema – the weapon she had used so many times to destroy evil with.

_I have to cut it out…cut it all out,_ she thought to herself while staring at her reflection in the athema's blade.

"I have to cut it out….cut out the evil" she began to mumble to herself, convincing herself of what she must do.

Then without thinking anymore on the subject she cut a clear, slow moving, white line across her arm. Mesmerized, she sat watching until that line disappeared and was replaced by trickling blood dripping down her arm.

Her blood.


	2. Bleed To Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two, re-edited to try and take the spelling errors out, sorry if I still missed any :?, I've changed a little bit of the wording around too to try and help with the tenses where possible, these chapters do get longer from memory with this story. I'll post another in a few days. 
> 
> Please take note of the warning below, and leave me any comments or questions you may have :)

**Warning- The Chapter has references of implied self harm.**

Speech in _Italics_ are a characters inner thoughts.

**Chapter Two Bleed To Sleep.**

Paige was sat at the kitchen table of the apartment she shared with her husband Henry, drinking coffee; she couldn't sleep. She kept thinking about Billie, who must be feeling very alone right now.

_Maybe I should see her?_ Paige thought to herself.

_No…not now, its too late, maybe tomorrow._ Paige reasoned with herself looking at the microwave clock noticing that it was now 3.30am.

Part of her wanted to go and yell at her young friend for betraying her and being so stupid to believe a girl that had been raised by demons for 15 years. Although, this wasn't just any girl, not a random person, but Billie's sister. After having spent so long trying to find her own place in the Halliwell family and the years of not even knowing she had sisters Paige could understand Billie's want, her need, to believe in her older sister when she had found her after having been apart for so long. Thinking on this made another part of Paige just want to comfort and protect Billie, _after all, she is still only a kid…and now she has no family to look after her_ , Paige thought to herself while taking another sip of her coffee.

Suddenly Paige felt a strange sensation across her arm, almost as though someone had cut her with a knife. Paige winced at this and twitched her arm when feeling a second sensation. On the third she lifted her arm and looked at it to see nothing but her pale white skin.

Something wasn't right.

* * *

Bang, bang, bang!

It was a series of three knocks sounding loudly on the door that startled Billie awake from the position she had fallen asleep in. Currently she was on the floor, after having fallen unconscious and slipping from her chair. At first she had to squint her eyes from the glaringly, bright, summer mornings sun that blinded her version. Then slowly as she began to be able to see her bearings she looked around confused and rubbed her head, which felt was throbbing as though someone had hit her with a brick.

Bang, bang bang!

The loud knocking sounded again making Billie force herself up off the floor with a stretch.

_What now!_ Billie thought to herself angrily as she walked towards the door.

Slowly, Billie opened the door to reveal Paige stood by the other side.

_What have I done now_ , Billie thought to herself, her eyes getting slightly wider having not expected to see her white-lighter.

Paige noticing her charges nervous reaction smiled reassuringly to her, hoping that it would ease the tension slightly.

_Maybe I should have called first?_ Paige thought to herself.

"Hey, I just came over to see how you're…" Paige stopped mid sentence after noticing the three cuts across Billie's arm.

_That cant be a coincidence_ , Paige thought to herself after noticing that Billie's cuts were on the same arm that she had received the weird sensation from the night before.

"Billie how did you get those cuts?" Paige asked, staring the young blonde in the face awaiting the answer.

Billie looked down, suddenly realizing what Paige was referring to, c _rap now what I am going to do_ , she thought to herself while releasing a long, heavy, deep breath almost like a sigh.


	3. Saved By The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to get the next chapter up, again same as original with just a few edits for spelling etc.

**AN:** apologies if there are still any mistakes... please let me know what you think. 

Writing in _italics_ are a characters inner thoughts. 

**Chapter Three: Saved By The Party.**

Billie stood in front of her white-lighter, her friend, the person she had betrayed and was unsure about how she was going to tell her what she had to herself.

_I can't tell her the truth, she will think I'm pathetic_ , Billie thought to herself.

Impatiently, and worriedly, Paige clicked her fingers in front of Billie's face to gain her attention.

_Poor kids losing it_ , Paige thought to herself as she watched Billie snap her head back up to face Paige and attempt to smile reassuringly at her.

"Sorry, I was daydreaming….I got them after Christy…after I….there were some demons there and they attacked me." Billie said hoping that Paige would buy it.

Paige looked at Billie raising her eyebrows slightly, while looking down at the scars on Billie's arm. "Right..." she said in an unbelieving tone.

_Because those scars sure look like a demons…it must have had huge claws_ , Paige thought to herself at first in a joking way but after her face grew concerned.

"Paige, no offence or anything…but what are you doing here?" Billie asked, trying to change the subject so that Paige would not become suspicious.

"Why? Is it confusing you that I'm not yelling at you?" Paige replied jokingly, noticing the change of subject and deciding to go along with it even though she wanted to find out more about Billie's scars.

_Okay Paige, lets go slowly, I don't want her to push me away_ , Paige thought to herself knowing that the young girl was obviously feeling vulnerable.

"Well, I mean, yeah" Billie replied slightly confused because part of her was expecting some form of yelling from the sisters, after all, she had tried to kill them and had betrayed them deeply.

"I'm not going to yell at you Billie. I think we all know how easy it can be to be persuaded into doing something when the persuader is someone we love…the main thing is you saw what was happening in the end and you did what was best for the greater good. So in my eyes we're fine. I don't have a problem with you Billie and I'm sure Phoebe feels the same way…but Piper…well I think she'll do enough yelling for all three of us." Paige rambled.

A silence fell over the room. 

_Way to go Paige…now she'll never return to the manor thinking Pipers going to blow up…or blow her up_ , Paige thought to herself while smiling at Billie trying to imply that she was joking about Piper.

"I just wanted to see if you're okay…you know you can talk to me if you need to, right?" Paige continued, the pitch in her voice increasing at the end of her sentence making it almost sound as though it was a question.

Billie signed, before walking backwards into her room allowing Paige through the door; however as she walked back into the room she noticed her athema lying on the floor, blood stained. She quickly motioned her eyes at it, making it slide along the floor underneath the computer desk before it could be noticed. Paige followed Billie into the room and watched as Billie sat down on a black swivel chair that was in-between the computer desk and the bed, looking down to the floor almost in a trance.

Paige walked over to Billie's bed and sat on the edge of it; she looked at Billie and began to worry. _What I am meant to do if she won't let me help her_ , she thought to herself.

"Billie, _are_ you okay?" Paige pushed emphasizing 'are', hoping that her charge would answer truthfully.

"Yeah, I'm okay…I just didn't get much sleep last night." Billie responded trying to sound as normal as possible even though she could tell that Paige was worried about her.

"That's to be expected…are you alright staying here by yourself? It might not be a good idea being alone right now, Phoebe has a spare room at her condo, why don't you go and see her about it? She misses you and I'm sure she would love to see you…and I mean I don't have a room, but the couch pulls out into a bed, and you're more than welcome" Paige said in a fast ramble.

"No it's okay…It'll get better…I hope. But I might go see Phoebe after lunch, I've missed talking with her." Billie admitted while smiling at Paige, hoping to give her some reassurance.

"Billie, its five in the afternoon…lunch was over hours ago. Have you only just got up? Paige said as Billie looked over to her clock noticing the time to be 5:00 pm.

"Damn it! This is really not my day…Paige, look, I'm really sorry but I have to get ready. I'm meant to be meeting some college friends at six." Billie said in a panic getting up off the swivel chair and beginning to rummage through her wardrobe for something to wear. _Its going to have to be something long sleeved so people don't notice_ , she thought to herself.

"It's okay…I'll come back another day and see you. Be safe…and try to visit Phoebe sometime soon, okay?" Paige said getting up from the bed and walking over to the door.

"I will." Billie said as Paige opened the door about to leave. "Paige." Billie continued, turning around trying to get Paige's attention before she left.

"Yeah." Paige said as she turned back around to Billie, half in the door half out of it.

"Thanks. You know…for coming to see if I'm okay." Billie said as she smiled to Paige.

"Your welcome…I'll see you soon." Paige said smiling; she then waved to Billie before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.

Billie smiled to herself for a second before turning back around to the wardrobe and grabbing a long sleeved blue top that was a v-neck shape. It looked as though it tightened slightly around the waist and had drawstrings on the back to do it up with. Billie dashed across her dorm room to the bathroom with the top in her hand and closed the door to get changed while thinking, _this is going to be a long night…and I'm already late!_

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always greatly appreciated :)


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